Today was really hard to adult. I just woke up in kind of a panic, and the day just progressed from there. I am 33 years old, and dealing with money gives me such anxiety. I mean, all I did was pay all my bills and ordered a couple things for my kids after I got my taxes back. And I felt like having a complete meltdown. I am not sure why this was so hard for me this year. I do mostly the same thing every year, and it has never been like this.
However, I did have more bills to pay, especially since I am hoping to move into my own place by the end of the year. This is the one thing I am working for this year, so I chose to pay all the bills that I owed and seriously cut down on the spending I usually do on the kids. They each get a set amount to go get some clothes that they need, and I went to the grocery for them. But I feel that what I am doing will be much better for them in the long run. And I am sure that is where a great part of my anxiety comes from as well.
Usually I am that mom that buys my kids passes to Kings Island, and gets them new gaming systems or electronics and takes them out to nice dinners. Well, this year they get a set amount for clothes and I got a pass to the Cincinnati Zoo. And other than that, they are kinda SOL. I feel making a better life for the boys is more important. One day I am hoping they will understand. But for today I am the mean mom.